meaning of dreams: my wasted years of love

I am in my grandmother`s house putting some outfits in a bag and preparing for some sort of prom i`m excited about. I think of how confident i will feel looking so pretty while I realize i`m actually in the house of a married man i once shared a connection with . He is not home but his wife is and for no reason i am supposed to spend the night. I feel astonished by her hospitality and overwellmed with guilt as i am sure that she knows who i am. while we are waiting for her husband to come i notice that she is so sensible and fragile and feel the need of constantly explaining to her that it wasn`t in my intention to hurt her back when i got involved with her husband. I fear the moment he will walk by the door and yet hope that he will fall for me. I am uncomfortable wearing pijamas and think of changing into my prom cloths but nevertheless feel it would be inappropriate as she might guess my intentions. So i just put some moisture foundation on to cover at least a bit my appearance. He arrives and doesn`t say anything. I feel nervous and his wife tells me to sleep in the living room. I remember that the walls were orange and the bad was too big for me. He came into the room and stood on the bad while next to me while i was watching tv. I hoped that he would say something to let me know he feels attracted to me but the wife comes into the room and he drags away. Suddently, somebody says that we should go. I panic as i have am asthma crisis and can`t breathe and can`t find my inhalor. The wife offers to give me hers just so we can leave sooner, but i refuse as i know that no other inhalor but mine would help me breathe again. Next thing all three of us are in the street on our way to my grandmother (to the same apartment we left from, but i only became aware of that after i woke up). It is very dark outside, i try to walk along him but the wife guesses my intention and comes to stay between us. The whole dream he didn`t say a single word. Compared to the beginning of the dream when i thought of her as sensitive and tolerant, i find her now vengeful, jealous and arrogant. I resent having apologized to her earlier. I am also very sad realizing that i forgot to take my pretty cloths for the prom. I know that i could never go back to their place and take them, i am angry for not having any other outfit to wear as i was counting on that to give me a confident appearance. While longing for my cloths i suddently become afraid on an even worse thought: she will search through my cloths, i am sick thinking that she will touch them, i try to remember whether i had any diary where i wrote that i was eager to see her husband. i became more and more frustrated and afraid, we are almost entering the house and i want to ask them to go back but i know it isn`t possible, i feel despaired and i wake up.


since the whole dream is related to this, i should provide further details. It happened long ago and i stopped thinking about it soon after it ended. It was more aplatonic affair after encountering once in a trip and sharing a kiss. We discovered more similarities between us via internet, i felt confident and dominant as he was sharing intimate thoughts and fears but we were soon to brake all connections because his wife found out and things got complicated and he felt this was the right thing to do, and i accepted the decision. I always felt that i appreciate and understand the valences of this experience and that it made me wiser when it comes to relationships, but never fell in love again afterwards. Other information which might be of help is that in the day before i had the dream i just submitted my application for a study program in another country. i already finished a university in my country and everybody judges me for wanting to start over saying that i wasted these years for nothing. I know this is what i want to do but i couldn`t help of asking myself before i went to sleep if this is really my guarantee to success.