meaning of dreams: Grandmother death

It is the second time I've had the dream. My Grandmother has died. In my waking life we are very close. While I am paralyzed by grief , my family seems to have accepted it. I'm nowhere near that part. I cry, and cry, and cry. She's gone for good. She isn't coming back and all I want is to talk with her, but I can't. I'm devastated. I'm a 20 year old female and no one in my family has died yet. The first time I had the dream, she came back. She was a spirit and we conversed frequently. I would call, "Grandma, come out." and she would come. My family thought I was crazy.Grandma recently had a minor surgery. It went well and I had the dream after the surgery. The thought of her death, or my mother's for that matter, terrifies me. Right now I'm struggling with my "self." I want to go back to college. I want to live my life. I want to be happy. I want to write with passion. I want love, I want more friends. I want a more fulfilling life! I've been diagnosed as dysthymic, that was 5 months ago. I've been moderately to severely depressed since I can remember. Happiness is a rare little package that I'm sometimes lucky enough to find on my doorstep...I don't know if any of this information is useful, but I would really love to know what you think, whomever you are.